Why DC Should Never, Ever, Ever Be In Charge
by The United Nations of Hetalia
Summary: America has left for a World Confrence, and has left the OCD son of a batch of cookies about the rules DC in charge. However, one person, or rather, one personifaction will have NONE of this. What can go right? Warnings: OOCness (Ita-chan's first Fanfic!), Crackiness (What the genre entails), and Plain Craziness! Ita-chan no own Hetalia!
1. Rule 1- Don't make Texas Follow Rules

Texas was going **_insane_**. America had left for a month-long world conference the day before, and had left DC in charge. The only problem with that? DC was the type of person who liked to make unreasonable rules. A lot of them. So, the first thing DC did when America had left, was create a rule-book.

At first, the rules were okay. Things like no fighting at the dinner table (Maryland was probably thankful that he knew he wouldn't get killed by Texas's gun). Massachusetts may be a technological genius, but he was the type of person to burn water in the kitchen (In other words, he cooked worse than England).

That's what got Massachusetts banned from the kitchen in the first place. He had tried to make tea, but had ended up blowing up the microwave, setting the tea on fire in the process. So, those rules, Texas could understand.

Then the rules started getting ridiculous. No leaving the room before 10:30 AM, no tricks or practical jokes at all. Texas was an early riser by nature, and the inability to do anything and have to waste so much of the day was an atrocity to her. And for practical jokes, how was she supposed to get back at New York saying that she needed to get a sense of fashion!?

So, now Texas was severely annoyed. The Confederacy and the Union were exempt from all the rules (the lucky sods!), since they were 'older' then D.C. That, and every state, city, and their sisters knew that you did not try to make the Confederacy and the Union follow the rules. Trying to would result in a dictionary to the head, and Confederacy going all Civil War on the person who tried.

Things were getting really out of hand. The rules were becoming outright absurd. They had to **pay** D.C for breaking the rules, they had a *beep* UNIFORM. And to add insult to injury, the uniform was a black polo short-sleeve shirt, and a knee length hot. Pink. SKIRT! SHE DIDN'T WEAR SKIRTS! OR PINK! OR ANY AND ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Forget annoyed, Texas was downright furious. She had attempted to call Rhode Island and Alaska to plot, but apparently, D.C had the phones bugged. Needless to say, Texas had her phone confiscated, and she was locked in her room.

The brunette fumed for about an hour, before realising that she should be working on a way to get out of her room, and stop cursing the living daylights of whatever god that found amusement in her predicament.

Texas scanned the simple room. The familiar sight that washed over her eyes comforted the girl. The old queen sized bed, covered in red, white, and blue, the well worn dresser, which, Texas knew, was filled to the brim with equally worn out jeans, plaid shirts, and her brown jacket, similar to her dad's, except that hers didn't have sleeves. The walls were painted with her flag, standing out against the worn furniture, as it looked as bright and vibrant as the day it was first painted.  
Texas knew that she wouldn't be able to escape, just as well as she knew her name was Rachel Independence Jones. The door? It was locked, and most likely guarded, so she couldn't shoot the lock. That would result in her locked back up in her room, with heightened security, and worst of all, with out her gun. The wall? The only reason that wouldn't work, is that she had nothing to break the wall down with. Then there was the window. She was about two stories above the ground, and lassos could only be made to be so long. She wasn't about to break her neck trying to escape. She wasn't that desperate. **_Yet_**.

But until she went insane with cabin-fever, the only place she was running to, or rather **into**, was the wall. Everyone who knew her though, could attest to a single fact. If Texas set her mind to something, seven words describe her. Hell hath no fury that would stop her. It was scary, really. If held back, the Texan would go psychotic, and no one wants to be anywhere _**near**_ a psychotic girl, much less a psychotic girl with a gun and the knowledge to use it.

Texas flopped onto her bed, and stared at the star-spangled ceiling, mind blank. Suddenly, she jumped up from her fluffy, soft comforter, and dashed to the dresser. Instead of opening the drawers, she kneeled down, right in-front of the dresser, and searched for the floorboard that had a carving of a horse on it, and paused in fond remembrance.

She had been a newly formed state, and America had found her in the middle of Austin, in a rodeo. He nearly had a seizure when he realised that the girl in the rodeo was Texas. After it was over, he had sprinted to her, and picked her up. She was only a little girl, but she still scratched, bit, and kicked America in a hopeless effort to get him to put her down. Still, when they got far enough away from the city, America sat her down and explained to her that the reason she had stayed young for so long, was because she was the personification of Texas, just as he was the personification of America. He had offered her a place to call her own, with siblings and a parent to care for her. That certainly beat living in the dusty desert, wondering if she would eat that night or not. The minute she was introduced to her family, and given her room, she searched for a pliable floorboard, and found one, near where the window met the wall. She carved a horse into the wood to mark it, using Delaware's Swiss Army Knife to do so. The little girl had figured that since the nice man who said he was her Papa said that she could do whatever she wanted with her room. Needless to say, America used the dresser to cover up the carving, but Texas could still find it.

She winced slightly as the wood pinched her fingers. Age had done nothing to improve the pliability of the wood. She had to be careful not to snap it, because otherwise, America would kill her. If he even noticed, that is. The brunette couldn't blame her dad, she knew. He had over 50 states and territories to look after. And that wasn't including the cities, towns, and regions. So, it was understandable that he would have his hands full with the others. Besides, the last time Texas actually had the time to talk to America, it ended up **_badly_**. With a capitol "B". She wasn't on good terms with America since the time she had tried to declare her independence.  
She finally pried up the wood plank, and pulled out a ageing sheet of parchment. Texas wrinkled her nose at the state of the paper. Making a mental note to replicate it onto her I-phone later, she carefully unfolded the fragile parchment on her star-spangled rug. The memories of exploring the house blossomed in her mind. The creaky old house that they lived in was riddled with hidden passage-ways, probably because America (That was sad. She couldn't even call America her Papa!) had watched the "Three Musketeers" one too many times, or this was his apocalypse back up plan. Either way, Alaska, New York, Hawaii, Michigan, and her knew these passages back to front! She could use it as an escape route. The plan: Use the Passage, Get the siblings, And Then Use Alaska's plane to get them Out of The House. UPGSATUAPGT for short. Texas grinned. This was going to be, as Pennsylvania would say, AWESOME!


	2. Rule 2- Don't Annoy Virginia Ever

Five minutes later found Texas banging her head against the wall. She had forgotten that she had next to no idea where the passage was. The map could only be so specific, so that if it had fallen into the wrong hands (DC, America, etc), they wouldn't be able to make heads or tails of any of it at all. Well damn it all! She didn't care if she had to bang every single space on the wall, SHE WAS GETTING OUT OF HERE IF IT WAS THE LAST THING SHE DID, DAMN IT! The irate teen was about to go through with this oh-so-very thought out plan when loud CRASH met her ears. Now, a normal person's reaction would be to cower in fear, or scream, but Texas's reaction?  
"WHO THE FUDGE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO USE FIRE-CRACKERS IN THE HOUSE!? REALLY!?" Texas yelled at the top of her lungs. Of course, normally, you wouldn't get a response, however, I think that I've established that this family is most certainly not what most people would call "normal". Alaska sauntered into the room only a second later, and said in the calmest voice,  
"We're busting this joint."  
Texas grinned, a foreign expression to her sour face.  
"What the hades!? You think I ain't gonna agree!? Let's blow this pop-stand already!"  
Alaska's lips twitched in the semblance of a smile.  
"We need to get the other, да?" Texas looked over her shoulder to face Alaska.  
"Already got that covered. I just need to remember the god-damn pattern, or code, or whatever the hell you want to call it." The icy haired girl deftly reached over the Texan's shoulder and tapped out a familiar rhythm on to the wall. America the Beautiful. Of course. The wall's panel gave away to form a door, and Texas glared at Alaska. She simply smirked and flipped her hair over her shoulder.  
"Well, if you can do it-" Alaska started  
"It ain't bragging." Texas finished, still irritated at Alaska for proving that she COULDN'T do everything. "Whatever. Now, are ya just goin' ta stand there waitin' for DC to come, eh!?" Without waiting for an answer, she stepped in to the passage, and Alaska followed the brash girl into the dark halls of the flip-side of the house.

The duo managed to get most of the states and territories into Alaska's jet with relative ease, but they weren't about to start celebrating yet. Some of the states were... Interesting, to say the least (*cough*paranoid*cough). Like Virginia, for example.  
Texas and Alaska had found her room, which was a shocker in itself. Virginia, being the only one to use black magic, shielded her room from being found, after Pennslyvania thought it was a good idea to try to steal her spell book. He ended up with a neon pink sign that said "I'M A HIPPY AND PROUD OF IT" floating behind him for an entire month. So, back on subject. Texas and Alaska found Virginia's room and Texas, being the brash, head-strong person she was, charged head-first into Virginia's room. Alaska, being the calm, sensible person she was, shook her head, and idly wondered what flowers Texas would want on her grave. Ten minutes later found Texas very much alive, and dragging an unconscious Virginia behind her. Alaska raised an eyebrow at Virginia's ,er, body. Texas snorted.  
"She ain't dead, if that's what ya askin'. She should be awake in 3... 2..1- OW!" Texas clutched her now bloody- and possibly broken- nose.  
"She's awake." Alaska noted. Texas glared at her for what possibly was the hundredth time that day.  
"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious!" Alaska's features remained as emotionless as usual. All the while to the plane, Texas and Virginia were glaring at each other, Texas handling her gun in such a way that no one would be surprised if it went off, while Virginia was muttering "Plentyn Tempest, yn marw!" over and over again. Alaska was glad when they reached the plane.

A/N- So sorry! I just don't have access to fanficiton at home. Thank you, Emerald Eme-Pon Walker!  
Hasta La Pasta!  
Ita-Chan!


	3. Rule 3-New Jersey's Frying Pan is DEADLY

Texas fumed. She wasn't happy with that god-**** black-magic loving ninny for breaking her nose. It healed fairly quickly, but it still hurt like hades. Alaska looked relieved when they all made it to the plane. Boarding the plane as quickly as the three of them could, Alaska and Texas went to the cockpit, as Texas was the only one Alaska trusted enough to fly the plane, without crashing it (Hint, Hint, Indiana...). Texas pulled down the microphone, and cleared her throat.  
"No killing, maiming, threatening, cursing, or any other violent activities are allowed on this jet. Alaska doesn't want any blood on the plane. Keep all hands, cloaks, frying-pans, lightsabers, and spell books out of the isle. Have a nice flight! By the way, the rules apply to everyone, the CSA and the SU. And by that, I mean the Confederacy and the Union, not the CSI and the Soviet Union."

Texas sat down in the co-pilot seat as Alaska started up the plane. They were all ready for take off, until Murphyʻs Law decided rear its ugly head.

"Stop this bloody contraption right now or I swear-" That was about as far as the OCD capital got before New Jersey (Bless her soul!) whacked him upside on the head with her trusty frying pan. DC collapsed like a sock puppet.

"Thanks..."

"I AIN'T LETTIN' NO ONE GET IN THE WAY OF ME AND MY STAR-BUCKS!"

New Jersey yelled. Alaska and Texas both realised that Jersey was ticked, because she was saying "Ain't" and not using proper grammar, like she normally did.

Quickly restarting the plane, they were up in the air faster than you could say "Skittles". DC stayed knocked out for the remainder of the flight, about 7 hours total. When they landed however... That was a different story

"WHERE THE BLOODY EFFING HELL ARE WE!?" DC yelled

"This is the most he's cursed since we gave him a punk-rock make over" Alaska noted, with amusement. Texas, however, was counting.

1...2...3...4...5.- SCREW COUNTING!

Texas stomped over with her gun and thwacked DC on the temple. He collapsed. Again.

"Now that THAT'S taken care of, LET'S MOVE!" Texas exclaimed, determination burning in her eyes. Now I'm sure you want to skip to the interesting parts, no?

In hindsight, Texas should have expected that 50+ kids with only two adults, with an unconscious teen would send alarm bells ringing through the minds of anyone who had common sense, and England was RENOWNED for its common sense. Surprisingly, the only incident that happened was at the security check point. The burly guard raised an eyebrow.  
"Where'r ya parents kids?"  
Texas quickly intervened before Michigan, or, god forbid, PENNSYLVANIA tried to "Smooth Talk" the guard

"Oh, we're all on an exchange student program from America to the UK! Those two," Pointing at the Confederacy and the Union, "Are our chaperones!" Fortunately, that seemed to do the trick. Unfortunately, Texas forgot about the fact that every single one of them carried a metal weapon of some kind. So when the guard fished around in her pocket...

"SECURITY!"  
Texas did what any sensible person would do.  
"EVERYONE, HEAD FOR THE HILLS!" And head for the hills they did. Texas was with Alaska, Hawaii, Michigan, and New York. They scrambled out of the airport, the people parting like Moses and the Red Sea. The group tore out into the streets, and miraculously managed to loose the police. They slid to a halt at the entrance to a large, gleaming building. New York was the first to speak.  
"I-a think... We-a found Papa... Si?"

A/N: I AM SO SORRY! My Freaking I-pad wouldn't stop glitching, and I had homework (WHY THE HADES DO I HAVE HOMEWORK IN THE SUMMER? SERIOUSLY!) So... Here is your chapter! I'm putting up a poll on my profile to chose who meets the states first. It ends in two weeks, one if I get enough votes.

To Crimson Dragon Devil: Yeah, it would be REALLY boring. And also, Texas is NEVER going to ask for America's help, even if her life depends on it. Thanks! Your Reveiw really made my day. I squealed when I saw a review in my inbox. Also, since you are the first reviewer, you get a Hetalia one shot dedicated to you. Yes, I am THAT happy for reviews. PM me what you what the oneshot to be about, and I'll do my best. Please, no X rated fics, though! The 10th reviewer gets another one shot!

Hasta La Pasta

Ita-Chan


End file.
